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Could Spirituality Be the Pathway to
Recovery?
In my current issue of Recovery Today, Reverend Leo
Booth said: today the ACOA movement is smaller and
less information is available to address the devastating
aspect of alcoholism and the effects on children that
grow up to be ACOA’s.
Growing up in a home
that teaches “The Rule” don’t talk, don’t trust and
don’t feel can lead to the use of chemicals and other
numbing behavior. If we can’t talk about what we
feel we will act out those feelings of anger,
resentment, fear, uncertainty, loneliness, etc. or we
will try to numb the feelings with alcohol, drugs,
compulsive eating or a variety of other substances or
behaviors, which can lead to addiction. “Acting
out” means the anger may be getting into trouble, using
substances at an early age or using food (especially
refined carbs) to sedate the feelings, the loneliness,
isolation, or family roles which help the COA cope with
the uncertainty in the home.
ACOAs also take on
family roles to “cover” the dysfunction that is going on
in the home. (The family hero, scapegoat, lost
child or mascot--see prior Newsletter on Family Roles
for specific description of roles.) In brief—the
hero looks good and is successful, the scapegoat is
acting out their anger and/or using substances at an
early age, the lost child is invisible and may use food
to self soothe and the mascot uses humor to ease pain.
No one wants to feel their feelings, pain, anguish,
uncertainty or unpredictability.
Father Booth
goes on to say recovery can happen for ACOAs much like
it can happen for an addicted person—with a spiritual
experience*—by using small steps of acceptance,
boundaries, empowerment and personal respect.
Some ACOAs will blame God for letting them grow up in
this kind of home—but, God gave us free will, which can
bring good as well as bad into our lives. As
children we did not have a choice but as adults we can
re-write what we want our lives to be today.
Helping an ACOA get a different perspective on their
situation, can lead to a spiritual experience and making
peace with what they grew up with. This involves
three things—The 3 A’s—awareness, acceptance and action
as well as willingness, honesty and open mindedness.
There is help available through Al-Anon, therapy and/or
coaching.
I would like leave you with a quote
from a favorite book of mine--The Art of Possibility by
Rosamund and Benjamin Zander:
Being with the
way things are calls for an expansion of ourselves.
We start from what is, not from what should
be; we encompass contradictions, painful feelings,
fears, and imaginings, and—without fleeing, blaming, or
attempting correction—we learn to soar, like the
far-seeing hawk, over the whole landscape. The
practice of being with the way things are
allows us to alight in a place of openness, where “the
truth” readies us for the next step, and the sky opens
up.
*Spiritual experience from Alcoholic
Anonymous (Big Book) states: Most of our
spiritual experiences are what the psychologist William
James calls the “educational variety” because they
develop slowly over a period of time. Many others
may see this change long before the alcoholic does.
He finally realizes that he has undergone a profound
alteration in his reaction to life; that such a change
could hardly have been brought about by himself alone.
What often takes place in a few months could seldom have
been accomplished by years of self-discipline.
With few exceptions our members find that they have
tapped an unsuspected inner resource which they
presently identify with their own conception of a Power
greater than themselves. We find that no one need
have difficulty with the spirituality of the program.
Willingness, honesty and open mindedness are the
essentials of recovery. But these are
indispensable.
Quotes and information from:
Recovery Today, May 2010
Alcoholics Anonymous, fourth
edition
The Art of Possibility by Rosamund Stone
Zander & Benjamin Zander
COA is Children of
Alcoholics
ACOA is Adult Child of Alcoholics
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Visit Sheila's website
www.empoweringacoa.com [or copy/paste
this into your browser www.empoweringacoa.com]
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