A Newsletter for Adult Children of Alcoholics

Fun—Why is it difficult for ACOA’s to have fun? Could it be that we take ourselves too seriously?

Thomas Perrin said “what most people do for fun makes me break out in a nervous sweat. The need to perform could invite criticism.” Life was a pretty serious thing after all. I don’t remember my parents being playful with us or each other. Sometimes I could be too loud or bopping around the kitchen to the latest tunes and was having fun—but alas I was making too much noise! At the dinner table Dad would be drilling us on the states and capitals—heaven forbid if we were wrong or didn’t know the answer. There were some fun evenings when we would play hide & seek, tag, Red Rover, Kick the Can—playing till dark, what fun while it lasted. Most times having fun was dampened by the reality we lived. One can become stifled and afraid to look foolish and envious of those who seemed to be free to have fun and just be themselves. The message we received was “we were expected to be “mature” and many of us had to take on adult responsibilities instead of being the children we were.

Spontaneity was often squelched because it looked silly or wrong. Once a woman told me an experience when she was 10 years old on a shopping trip to town--how excited and enamored she was with the glow of the city at night and was going on about it to her mom with great enthusiasm and mom said “stop, do you want people to think you’re some kind of “hillbilly” that only comes to town occasionally.” Most times we were approved of if we looked and behaved like little “adults” not the children we were.

In one’s adult life work becomes a very serious thing, whatever the job happens to be. This opens the door to burnout/overwork. Once a homemaker told her lady friends she couldn’t join them for lunch because she didn’t have her housework done. Of course they good naturedly teased her and eventually she could leave things undone for a little while to have some fun. A corporate worker found himself taking on more and more responsibility because he thought to play wasn’t being responsible or adult. “Play” was for kids not adults.

Well, you need to learn how to play, have fun, and laugh at yourselves. You’ve been repressed long enough. If it is hard to play take a kid with you to the zoo or to the swimming pool or sit and build a sandcastle. After a while it will begin to feel relaxing and enjoyable, even a kind of stress reliever. That’s what fun is—a stress buster.

Watching a child at play—how intent they are at having fun. They can teach us how to play. Develop friends that are fun to be around. You will probably need to schedule this playtime into your Daily Planner so it really happens. I have a friend that played violin in the symphony orchestra and she decided she would like to play the fiddle—she gets so excited watching the kids and adults enjoy her music and have a good time and are really free to be who they are that it has freed her up to have fun too.

No excuses now—Discover something new and interesting. This is all about taking care of you and allowing that child part of yourself to have fun. Enjoy!


Remember, Clarity & Choice to Move Into the Future.